another one from my dad:
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit),
a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on
the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the
car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love(?),
asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher,"
The cop stammered, "A what?" "A rectum stretcher!" She replied.
"And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" Asked the Cop.
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand. I
work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly
but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the heck do you do with a 6 foot azzh*le?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket: $95.00
Court Costs: $45.00
Look on Cop's Face...........PRICELESS