04 January 2004

Jokes and a link to see the Cole raised to be brought home

Ever wondered how they loaded the Cole on that Norwegian
transporter? Quite an innovative engineering solution!


For all of us who feel only the deepest love and
affection for the way computers have enhanced our
lives, read on. At a recent (I think in 1999)
computer expo (COMDEX). Bill Gates reportedly
compared the computer industry with the auto industry
and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like
the computer industry has, we would all be driving
$25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued
a press release stating: If GM had developed
technology like! Microsoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics (and I just
love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash
twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road,
you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for
no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of
the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car,
restart it, and reopen the windows before you could
continue. For some reason you would simply accept

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left
turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to
restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the
sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as
easy to drive - but would run only on five percent of
the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning
lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has
Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car
would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you
simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key
and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Everytime a new car was introduced car buyers would
have to learn how to drive all over again because none
of the controls would operate in the same manner as
the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the
engine off.

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends
late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom
where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the 2nd guest asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up a hammer, gave
it an ear- shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed:

"You asshole...it's ten after three in the morning!"

On a tour of the US, the Pope took a few days off to visit the coast for
some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when
there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing a
PITTSBURGH STEELERS jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from
the jaws of a 25 foot shark. As the Pope watched in horror, a speedboat
pulled up with three men wearing CLEVELAND BROWNS jerseys. One quickly
fired a harpoon into the sharks side while the other two reached out and
the blue semiconscious Steelers fan from the water. Then using the long
clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to him. "I give you
my blessing for your brave actions. I heard that there were some bitter
hatreds between the Steelers and the Browns, but now I have seen
with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, "what was that?"

"It was the Pope" one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has
access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well" the harpooner said, "he may have access to God and his wisdom, but
he doesn't know anything about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up OK or
do we need to get another one?"

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