30 June 2005

The Brick!!!

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.
The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the hell are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money!
Why did you do that?!"
The young boy was scared and apologetic.
"Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do!"
He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..."
With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother”, he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.
"Thank you, and … God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger.
Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message:
"Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your
attention!"
God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts.
Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us.
It's our choice to listen or not.

Zen Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty
much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal
your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple
of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're, a mile away and
you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

15. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that
comes from bad judgment.

16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half
and put back in your pocket.

17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

18. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark
side, and it holds the universe together.

19. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one
works.

20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips
are moving.

21. Experience is something you don't get until just after you
need it.

22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

23. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass.
things get worse.

24. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.

25. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

26. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it
too seriously.

27. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.

28. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

29 June 2005

Would you like to share a couple cups of coffee?

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very
large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf
balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed
that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if
the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things---God, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.


The sand is everything else---the small stuff. "If you put the sand
into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles
or the golf balls.


The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the
small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play
with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your
spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to
clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls
first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest
is just sand."


One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented. The professor smiled.


"I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Please share this with someone you care about.
I JUST DID.

21 June 2005

1905

My neighbor emailed this to me:


THE YEAR 1905
This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!
The year is 1905.
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!


Here are some of the U.S. statistics for the Year 1905:

The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.

With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!

The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents per hour.

The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,

a dentist $2,500 per year,

a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and

a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.

Ninety percent of all U.S. doctors had no college education.

Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza

2. Tuberculosis

3. Diarrhea

4. Heart disease

5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.

Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write.

Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores.
Back then pharmacist said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." (Shocking!)

Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.

There were about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.

And I forwarded this from someone else without typing it myself, and sent it to you in a matter of seconds!
Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.

It staggers the mind.

10 June 2005

A friend of mine wrote this and then emailed it to me. She is very talented, and I wanted to share it with you:

EROS ROSE

Eros rising
Greek myth
On magic high
Pure and sweet
Breathing tenderly
Remembering before
As now moving, being
In newness, warmth of
Sun and a crystal sea
Mediterranean blue
Rhodes ancient yet
History a yonder cloud
Now love and happiness
Laughter and memories
Sweet song of newness
With hearts dancing
To music of wonder
Roses flowering love
Eros rose on Rhodes

©Elizabeth A Feisst 10 June 2005

Brief Note: I have just returned from a short holiday on the Isle of Rhodos/Rhodes which inspired this poem. Visit here for more information



http://www.helios.gr/rhodes/

Keep Your Fork

My across the street neighbor emailed this to me, and I would like to share it:

Keep Your Fork

A Woman & a Fork ...

There was a young woman who had been diagnosed w/a terminal illness & had been given 3 months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her Pastor & had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes.

She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, & what outfit she wanted to be buried in.

Everything was in order, & the Pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.

There's one more thing," she said excitedly.

"What's that?" came the Pastor's reply.

"This is very important," the young woman continued. "I want to be buried w/a fork in my right hand."

The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say.

"That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked.

"Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the Pastor.

The young woman explained ... "My grandmother once told me this story, & from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love & those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials & dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over & say 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming ... like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, & w/substance!' So, I just want people to see me there in that casket w/a fork in my hand & I want them to wonder 'What's w/the fork?' Then I want you to tell them 'K eep your fork the best is yet to come.'"

The Pastor's eyes welled up w/tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, w/twice as much experience & knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.

At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket & they saw the cloak she was wearing & the fork placed in her right hand.

Over & over, the Pastor heard the question "What's w/the fork?"

And over & over he smiled.

During his message, the Pastor told the people of the conversation he had w/the young woman shortly before she died He also told them about the fork & about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork & told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either.

He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile & encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, & they always want to open their hearts to us.

Show your friends how much you care. Remember to always be there for them, even when you need them more. For you never know when it may be their time to "Keep their fork."

Cherish the time you have, & the memories you share ... being friends w/someone is not an opportunity, but a sweet responsibility.

Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND even if it means sending back to the person who sent it to you.

And keep your fork!!!

04 June 2005

Ever wonder why most lines to women's restrooms are longer than men's?

A female friend from high school emailed this to me:

TOILET-SQUATTING EXERCISE CLASS

My mother was a fanatic about public toilets.

As a little girl, she'd bring me in the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, never sit on a public toilet seat."

And she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. But by this time, I'd have wet down my leg. And we'd go home.

That was a long time ago. Even now in our more mature years, The Stance is excruciatingly difficult to maintain when one's bladder is especially full. When you have to "go" in a public bathroom, you find a line of women that makes you think there's a half-price sale on Mel Gibson's underwear in there. So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, also crossing their legs and smiling politely. And you finally get closer.
You check for feet under the stall doors.
Every one is occupied.

Finally, a stall door opens and you dash, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in
to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter. You hang your purse on the door hook, yank down your pants
and assume "The Stance." Relief. More relief.

Then your thighs begin to shake. You'd love to sit
down but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the
seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold The Stance as your thighs experience a quake that would register
an eight on the Richter scale.

To take your mind off it, you reach for the toilet paper. The toilet paper dispenser is empty. Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew
your nose on that's in your purse. It would have to do.
You crumble it in the puffiest way possible.
It is still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work and your purse whams you in the head. "Occupied!" you scream as you reach out for the door, dropping your tissue in a puddle and falling backward, directly onto the toilet seat.

You get up quickly, but it's too late.
Your bare bottom has made contact with all the germs and life forms on the bare seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper, not that there was any, even if you had enough time to. And your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew, because her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly,
"You don't know what kind of diseases you could get."

And by this time, the automatic sensor on the back of
the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain and then it suddenly sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged to China. At that point, you give up. You're soaked by the splashing water. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a Chicklet wrapper you found in your pocket,
then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the sinks with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting, cross-legged and unable to smile politely at this point. One kind soul at the very end of the line points
out that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper on
your shoe as long as the Mississippi River!

You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and say warmly,
"Here. You might need this."

At this time, you see your spouse, who has entered, used and exited his bathroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for you.
"What took you so long?" he asks, annoyed.

This is when you kick him sharply in the shin and
go home.

This is dedicated to all women everywhere
who have ever had to deal with a public toilet.

And it finally explains to all you men what takes us so long.