TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, bread and butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live in us forever.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
31 March 2005
For All of the Fathers Out There!!
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Dad" With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with tremb ling hands:
Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice-even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy. Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy w e want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now! and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to
remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my
desk center drawer.
I love you!
Call when it is safe for me to come home
30 March 2005
Historians have reason to believe that Emperor Nero was nearsighted. He reportedly watched performances while holding a jewel with curved facets in front of one eye.
What are varicose veins?
Varicose veins are stretched, dilated veins whose valves do not work properly. The Arizona Heart Institute & Foundation reports that women are three times more likely to develop them than men, and people whose jobs require them to stand for long amounts of time often develop them.
How many eyes does a spider have?
Most spiders have eight eyes. These are arranged on top and near the front of the head, usually in two rows of four each.
Is the world round or not?
The world is not round. It is an oblate spheroid, flattened at the poles, and bulging at the equator.
Why did Bissell invent the carpet sweeper?
M. R. Bissell had a china shop in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and was allergic to the dusty straw scattered on the floor after unpacking china from crates. So, he invented the first carpet sweeper in 1876 to clean up the mess and protect his sinuses.
28 March 2005
February 22, 2005
(my name and address)
Dear Ms. Count-Wayt:
Thank you for contacting me regarding efforts to determine the fate of our missing American service personnel. I appreciate hearing from you and having the benefit of your views on this important matter.
One of the most frustrating situations which has faced the United States throughout history has been the fate of American prisoners of war (POW) and those declared missing in action (MIA) during military engagements. According to a Department of Defense (DoD) study of American service personnel missing in action during the four major American wars of the 20th Century, 88,601 Americans who bravely risked their lives in defense of the nation are still listed as officially unaccounted for.
As you know, the Department of Defense has established the Prisoner of
War/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO), whose Director, Jerry D. Jennings, also
serves as the Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for POW/Missing Personnel
Affairs to provide overall direction and control of DoD POW/MIA policy and
operations. DPMO is also responsible for all POW/MIA intelligence
analysis. Usually, information regarding POWs and/or MIAs comes to DPMO
officials from refugees and other contacts. Military assets, physical
evidence (such as military identification tags, photographs and aircraft
debris), communications intelligence and aerial reconnaissance are also found or
provided to DPMO from a variety of sources.
Since the fall of Saigon in April 1975 until April 1, 1999, DPMO received 20,799 reports regarding alleged live Americans in Southeast Asia, including 1,877 firsthand sightings. Of the 1,877 sightings, 1,249 were discovered to concern Americans since accounted for (as either returned alive or known dead), 487 were determined to be fabrications by the contact and 45 were determined to be wartime sightings. The
remaining 96 reports, which involve sightings of Americans in either a POW or a
non-captive environment, represent the primary focus of the DPMO analytical and
collection efforts. Unfortunately, on 21 of the 96 reports have been made
since the beginning of 1980.
As you know, DPMO has been instrumental in
assisting the federal government in searching for answers to the status of the
88,691 unaccounted Americans. A large focus of the investigation into
missing service personnel has been centered in Southeast Asia where, since 1991,
the United States has gained substantial access to aircraft crash sites,
Vietnamese records, and Vietnamese civilians. To further our governmental
efforts, in 1991, the United States established a formal POW/MIA liaison office
in Vietnam. Although a liaison office was established and despite
President Clinton's 1995 announcement that the United States and Vietnam would
reestablish normal diplomatic relations, there has yet to be a significant
decrease in the numbers of Americans listed as missing in action.
On November 4, 1998, Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense (POW/Missing Personnel Affairs) Robert Jones led a high-level American delegation to Hanoi for formal talks with Vietnamese officials on the continued cooperation of the Vietnamese government in assisting American officials to secure an accounting of every American POW/MIA from the war. Following Secretary Jones' meetings, U.S. and Vietnamese officials have continued to assist each other in the efforts to
resolve the status of Americans listed as MIA.
In addition to determining the status of missing American personnel from the Vietnam War, DPMO has been investigating reports from the former Soviet Union regarding the potential of American service personnel being interrogated by Soviet military officials. As you may know, in the early 1990's, a retired Soviet general
asserted that he had knowledge about Soviet interrogations of the U.S.
POWs. However, in 1994, a joint Russian-American commission investigation
found no evidence of these charges, no did they find evidence of the transfer of
American POWs to the former Soviet Union. In 1996, in hearing of the House
National Security Committee, assertions were made that American personnel were
used as test subjects in Communist military chemical/biological/radiological
experimentation before being killed. There has been little evidence
offered to substantiate this claim. Although most government analysts
believe that it is extremely unlikely that American personnel were transferred
out of North Vietnam during the War or have been held by the Vietnamese since
its conclusion, the effort of DPMO to uncover the truth regarding our missing
service personnel will not end.
As just one example of congressional support for POW/MIAs, Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell of Colorado introduced S. 484, the Bring Them Home Alive Act of 1999. This legislation automatically grants refugee status to any foreign national who assists in the return to the United States of any live POW or MIA service member. You may be pleased to know that this legislation was passed unanimously, with my strong support, by both the House and the Senate, and that S.484 was signed into law by President Bill Clinton on November 9, 2000 [P.L. 106-484].
During the 107th Congress, I cosponsored S. 1339, the Persian Gulf POW/MIA War Accountability Act of 2001, a bill introduced by Senator Campbell. This legislation extended the Bring Them Home Alive Act to cover the return of American Persian Gulf War POW/MIAs. On July 29, 2002, the Senate passed this legislation by unanimous consent. The House of Representatives subsequently passed this bill on October 15, 2003. President Bush signed H.R. 1588 into federal law [P.L. 108-136] on November 24, 2003.
Throughout my careeer in Congress, I have made a strong commitment to Pennsylvania's POW/MIA families. Please know that I will continue to take every step necessary to ensure that POW/MIAs and their families are not abandoned by their government.
Thank you again for taking time to contact me. If I can assist you in any way, please do not hesitated to call on me again.
United States Senate
As a side note, Santorum is running again for Senator of Pennsylvania, and he sits on several committees:
- Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs
- Agriculture, Nutrition, and Forestry
- Rules and Administration
- Special Committee on Aging
Senator Santorum is the Republican Conference Chairman
He has a web site at http://santorum.senate.gov
His address and phone number is:
511 Dirksen Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
23 March 2005
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane
mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they had
nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get
a buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they poured themselves a couple of glasses of high-octane
hooch and got completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he
feels. In fact he feels great, no hangover, no bad side effects.
Nothing at all.
Then the phone rings...its Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do
you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover,
nothing. We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."
"Have you farted yet?"
"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX.
20 March 2005
KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline.)
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws andwhile there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled upand with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned andwalked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, andshe looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda repliedthat she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding herbrain in for over an hour.The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doorswere locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. Whenthey finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread stuck tothe back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from theheat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad ofdough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find outwhat it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. Sheinitially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brainsin for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
08 March 2005
Timmy was a little five year old boy whose Mom loved
him very much, and being a worrier, she was concerned
about his walking to school when he started
Kindergarten. She walked him to school the
first couple of days, and at the end of the week, he
came home from school and told his mother that he did
not want her walking him to school everyday. He wanted
to be like the "big boys", he protested loudly.
So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a
neighbor, Mrs.Goodnest, if she would please follow him
to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so
he probably wouldn't notice her.
Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with
her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to
get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
The next school day, Mrs Goodnest and her little girl,
Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to
school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this
for the whole week. As the boys walked and chatted,
kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend
noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed
to do every day all week.
Finally he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady
following us to school all week? Do you know her?"
Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is."
The friend said, "Well, who is she?"
"That's just Shirley Goodnest" Timmy replied, "and her
"Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she
"Well", Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me
say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries
about me so much.
And in the psalm, it says 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy
shall follow me all the days of my life,' so I guess
I'll just have to get used to it!"
Our days are happier when we
give people a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.
02 March 2005
Notice to people who visit my home.
1. The cats lives here...you don't.
2. If you don't want cat hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. Yes, they have some disgusting habits. So do I and so do you. What's your problem?
4. OF COURSE they smell like cats. What did you expect them to smell like?
5. It's their nature to try to sniff your crotch. Please feel free to sniff theirs.
6. I like them a lot better than I like most people.
7. To you they're cats. To me they're adopted children, who are short, hairy, walks on all fours, doesn't speak clearly, and I have no problem with any these things.
8. Cats are better than kids:
they eat less, don't ask for money all the time,
are easier to train,usually come when called,
never drive your car,
don't hang out with drug using friends,
don't smoke or drink,
don't worry about whether they have the latest fashions,
don't wear your clothes,
don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
and if they get pregnant you can sell the kittens.
01 March 2005
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with thewheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may Ihave some of that straw to build my house?'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said 'HolyShit! A talking pig!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication onthe floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today thatwe didn't have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday, same time."
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down hisfather's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why hisfather didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."
TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactlythe >>>same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card
You gotta love Robin Williams...Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.
Robin William's plan.(Hard to argue with this logic!)
I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace.So,here's one plan.
1.) The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic and the rest of those 'good ole boys,' We will never "interfere" again.
2.) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany,South Korea and the Philippines.
They don't want us there.We would station troops at our borders. No one sneaking through holes in the fence.
3.) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. France would welcome them.
4.) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit.No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don't like it there,change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone.We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
5.) No foreign "students" over age 21.The older ones are the bombers.If they don't attend classes,they get a "D" and it's back home baby.
6.) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.
7.) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
8.) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them, is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9.) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10.) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH.....learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan.
"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying
'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.'
She's got a baseball bat and she's ! yelling,
'You want a piece of me?'"
Love This Comeback! >From a woman in Colorado:One of my sons serves in the military. He is still stateside, here in California. He called me yesterday to let me know how warm and welcoming people were to him, and his troops, everywhere he goes, telling me how people shake their hands, and thank them for being willing to serve, and fight, for not only our own freedoms but so that others may have them also.
But he also told me about an incident in the grocery store he stopped at yesterday, on his way home from the base. He said that ahead of several people in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha. He said when she got to the cashier she loudly remarked about the US flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her smock.
The cashier reached up and touched the pin, and said proudly, "Yes, I always wear it and I probably always will."
The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi.
A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward, putting his arm around my son's shoulders, and nodding towards my son, said in a calm and gentle voice to the Iraqi woman:
"Lady, hundreds of thousands of men and women like this young man have fought and died so that YOU could stand here, in MY country and accuse a check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen.
It is my belief that had you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we wouldn't need to be there today.But, hey, if you have now learned how to speak out so loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way back to Iraq so you can straighten out the mess in YOUR country that you are obviously here in MY country to avoid."Everyone within hearing distance cheered!Pass it on.... Patriotism is not a Fad message. It's what we stand for.
STORY NUMBER ONE
Many years ago, Al Capone virtually ownedChicago. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder. Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie." He was his lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time. To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well Not only was the money big, but also Eddie got special dividends. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entireChicagoCity block. Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him. Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had the best of everything: clothes, cars and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object. And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son; he couldn't pass on a good name and a good example. One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al "Scarface" Capone, clean up his tarnished name and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great. So, he testified. Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he would ever pay. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion and a poem clipped from a magazine. The poem read: The clock of life is wound but once And no man has the power To tell just when the hands will stop At late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still.
STORY NUMBER TWO
World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific. One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet. As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned his blood cold, a squadron of Japanese aircraft were speeding their way toward the American fleet. The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet. Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly. Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction. Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had in fact destroyed five enemy aircraft. This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of Honor. A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man. So the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor. It's located between Terminals 1 and 2.
SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?
Butch O'Hare was Easy Eddie's son.