29 January 2005

A joke sent from dad

Earthdate 29012005...

Yesterday I reinstalled AOL messenger on my computer, then the stapler fell on my mouse and broke it. I wonder if it is a sign.

Then today I get an email from dad that he has a new AOL address, which just goes to prove that marketing is better than quality. Macintosh vs. IBM compats is another example. Everyone knows Macintosh is a better computer, but because more people use IBM compats, that is what we buy. Marketing. Even I use use an IBM compat because there are more programs out for IBM compats, plus, I am used to it now having used computers since 1882. I started learning in high school on a TRS80 III model. Then my first computer I bought was a PC Jr. Not because it was a good computer. Actually, it sucked. It was marketing. The computer was good at playing games like hangman. From PC Jr, I graduated to IBM 286. With that, I was able to get onto bulletin boards (the precursor to the internet). Admittedly, Macintosh was also out then, and a much better computer as mentioned earlier, but because more businesses used IBM compats, and there was more software for IBM compats, I used an IBM compat. IBM compats ran on DOS software, which was easy to use. This time period was very early 90s and we used dial up modems. It seems funny now how patient I was back then compared to today. With my DSL, I want to get on web sites instantly, which just goes to show how marketing has influenced out world. We are told with marketing that we get "instant access" with broadband. When did we stop thinking for ourselves, and turn over our will to marketing?

Now for the joke my dad emailed me:

1. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
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2. A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
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3. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
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4. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
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5. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these for yourself!"
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6. A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife,"
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7. Our five-year-old son couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!!"
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8. When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
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9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four to six."
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10. A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change "y" to "I" and add 'es'" (What English teacher wouldn't love that one?)
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11. Subject: Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
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12. A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV, "The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!"
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13. A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past, Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close...."They use the dogs" she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

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