26 October 2004

The Bachelor Diet

My dad emailed this to me which I thought was funny:

The Bachelor Diet

Monday

Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some
toothpaste while brushing your teeth. Lunch - Send your secretary out
for six "gutbombers" - those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime
but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili,
a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle
of Maalox. Afternoon Snack - Drink the Maalox. Dinner - Six pack of
beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don't
eat the coleslaw.

Tuesday

Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw. Lunch - Go to the office vending machine
and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat
whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea. Dinner -
Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.

Wednesday

Breakfast - Stomach couldn't handle breakfast after a night at El
Flasho's. Lunch - Rolaids and a coke. Dinner - Drop in at a married
friends house and beg for scraps.

Thursday

Breakfast - Order out for pizza. Lunch - Your secretary is out sick,
check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers. Dinner - Go to a bar.
Ask the bartender for extra olives.

Friday

Breakfast - Eggs, sausage and an English muffin at McDonald's.
Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's
better for you. Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder. Dinner - Steak,
well-done, baked potato and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus,
nobody really likes asparagus.

Saturday

Breakfast - Sleep through it. Lunch - Ditto. Dinner - Steak, well done,
baked potato, and Brussels sprouts. Don't eat the Brussels Sprouts.
Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.

Sunday

Breakfast - Three Bloody Marys and a Twinkie. Lunch - Eat lunch?
And waste a good buzz? Dinner - Chicken noodle soup. Call home
and ask about renting our old room.

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