24 September 2004

Dog vs. Cat

A friend emailed me this, and having 3 cats myself, I thought it was pretty funny:

DIARIES UNCOVERED!

As seen in a dog's diary:

8am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
3pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
4pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
7pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!



As seen in a cat's diary:

Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continue to
taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat
dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the
hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from
ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I
may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
their feet while they were walking almost succeeded
and must try this at the top of the stairs. In an
attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors,
I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
chair -- must try this on their bed. Decapitated a
mouse and brought them the headless body, in an
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of,
and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only
cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I
was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
I was placed in solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise and smell the food.
More importantly I overheard that my confinement was
due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this
is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced
the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than
happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird
on the other hand has got to be an informant, and
speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement in the metal
room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait; it is only a matter of time...

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